


A Nice Desert Stroll

by cazcatharsis



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: AU, Gen, Prompt Fill, The Truck driver arms dealer, completely ridiculous, reference to Hank Schrader, roasting buns, stripping at gunpoint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 13:09:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6521035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cazcatharsis/pseuds/cazcatharsis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The 'Cousins'  Marco and Leonel Salamanca, their boots, and their new vests, go for a stroll down the highway.  They're none too happy about it either. </p>
<p>Fic for Fun, because I'm twisted and someone wonderfully evil told me to. hahaha.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Nice Desert Stroll

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zagzagael](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zagzagael/gifts).



> A gift fic for bleodswean of Livejournal, the prompt was ‘cousins/ofc - only with our boots on’ and this was the first thing I thought of other than you know what hahaha
> 
> AU, totally goofy, enjoy the visuals.

A Nice Desert Stroll 

(gift fic for  [ ](http://bleodswean.livejournal.com/profile) [ **bleodswean** ](http://bleodswean.livejournal.com/) , prompt ‘cousins/ofc - only with our boots on’)

 

 

  


They made it four feet from the back of the truck when Leonel stopped, suddenly nose to barrel with a shotgun. His brother froze beside him, instinctively raising his hands.

  


“Drop the vests.”

  


Leonel dropped them.  Shame. They were clean. Now they were dusty. 

  


“Move and I’ll splatter this pretty boy’s head all over Pete’s truck.”

  


“Aw come on!”

  


“Shut up, Pete.” 

  


Leonel looked to his brother. He refused to look at his aggressor, as she was shorter than he and to do so he would have to go cross eyed.  His brother used to make fun of him for going cross eyed when he was sick.

  


“He shot me!”

  


The woman’s head appeared out from behind the shotgun, black eyebrow up. “You shot Pete?”

  


“He sure did!”

  


“Shut up Pete.”

  


Leonel nodded minutely. 

  


The woman pushed the barrel of the gun closer, so close he could smell the oil she’d used to clean it. He got the idea.  As did Marco, who stood stock still, while she took a glance inside at the arms dealer.  Then she looked incredulously at them both, first Marco, then Leonel. 

  


“Testing the vests?”

  


Marco replied. “Yes.”

  


She was silent a moment.  Then the shotgun barrel shook a little, internally startling Leonel, before it withdrew a good three feet. 

  


“Good thing you didn’t put them on first.  Even from this distance you guys won’t be walking away from this if you so much as blink the wrong way.  Now, I know Pete’s annoying,”

  


“Hey!”

  


“Shut up Pete.”  Marco and the woman said, and it took every ounce of discipline for Leonel not to smirk. 

  


“But I need something from him. And lord knows I’ve wanted to shoot him for years,”  She paused, but Pete kept shut up for once, “I haven’t.  And he’s the only one around here who isn’t working for the DEA in one capacity or another. Now… the vests work?”

  


The brothers nodded.

  


“Okay then.  Hey Pete, grab me a vest and a box of those Black Death fuckers.”

  


“Why the hell should I?”

  


“Cause if you don’t I’ll tell these guys who you DO work for.”

  


Leonel looked over at his brother, his brother back at him, and they both turned and looked at Pete the arms dealer. 

  


“Alright, alright!  Geez!  Surrounded by psychopaths today, I gotta quit this shit and move to Canada…”

  


As Pete rummaged through the truck, the woman turned her attention back to the brothers.

  


“Well, now that that’s taken care of… Strip.”

  


Leonel broke his silence. “What?”

  


She smiled. “You heard me. Strip.”  She looked them both over like they were slabs of well cooked steak.  “Hmmmm… Yeah, leave them boots on though.”

  


“What are you doing?”  Pete appeared next to her with her things, which she paid for one handed, shotgun now pointed at Marco. 

  


“Makin’ em strip.”

  


“Wh… why?”  Pete shakily asked as he stuffed the box of bullets in her purse and leaned the vest against her leg.

  


She shrugged. “Cause they’re hot and I’m bored. We good?”

  


“Yeah, we’re good.  Fuckin’ lunatic.”

  


“Shoo then.”

  


Pete made to leave, but stopped next to Marco and stage-whispered  “If I were you, I’d do what she says. She’s nuttier than you two.”

  


Marco growled low in his throat and the skinny arms dealer was off like a shot to his truck and down the road in seconds.

  


“Dickhole.”

  


Leonel gave her a look. 

  


“Not you, Pete.”

  


Shotgun still at the ready, but much more relaxed, she backed off a few more feet, kicking the vest along with her until she reached their car. 

  


“Well, get on with it.”

  


The brothers looked at each other and knew this wouldn’t end til they did what she said. 

  


Leonel started with his jacket, then slowly popped the buttons on his gold-tinged shirt.  Once that was open the woman whistled.  “Nice tats!” 

  


Leonel was half bent over to take his boots off when she hummed at his brother. 

  


Once they were down to their boxers they both stopped and looked at her. 

  


She shook her head.  “Ah ah aaaah, don’t think so. I said everything, EXCEPT the BOOTS.”

  


“Seriously?”  Marco’s calm robotic facade cracked a little at the idea of being abandoned bare-assed in the hot New Mexico desert. 

  


“Want my shotgun to answer your query?”

  


Leonel heaved a defeated sigh and did as she said.  To be honest with himself, his ass could use the sunlight.  As his clothes lay on the pavement and his feet began to sizzle, he covered himself as best he could with his hands.  His brother kept his hands in fists at his sides. 

  


“Alriiiight, now, one at a time, bring your clothes over here and put them on the hood. Tattoo boy, you first.” 

  


Boy…

  


Hesitantly he did as ordered, the idea of being shot full of holes, naked in a desert in the middle of nowhere next to his brother... NOT how he wanted to go out, especially when he had things to do. 

  


“Put your boots on first, your feet must be burning.”

  


He dropped his clothes and donned his boots, then took his clothes to her, placing them in a neat pile on the hood. He felt her eyes travel from his head to his toes, ignoring it as best he could. As he turned to go stand next to Marco he felt a hard slap on his ass. 

  


“Nice!  Could bounce a quarter off that thing.”

  


Marco got a slap on his ass too when he dropped his silver suit on the hood in a much less neat pile, rage in his eyes.  He would never let this go. 

  


“Alright.  You gorgeous boys have a wonderful day.  I left you the pretty vests just in case Pete comes back.”   She dug the car keys out of Marco’s jacket pocket and threw the whole lot in the back seat.  Leonel could feel the heat coming down hard on them both, magnified by the blacktop.  Once she was gone they would hit the side of the road.  Wouldn’t be much of an improvement but it was better than this.  The boots were a blessing at this point. 

  


Without another word, just a wink, the woman slid into the front seat, shotgun still pointed at them, started it up, made a fast U-turn, then sped away, leaving the naked brothers in her dust.

 

Two miles down the highway they found the car, abandoned on the side of the road.  Thier clothes were folded on the front seats, and a sticky note stuck on the steering wheel.  Marco took it off, read it, and passed it to Leonel as soon as he got his boxers up. 

  


“Thanks for the show, boys! I MUST get a pair of those boots.”

 

Once they were dressed and in the car, vests folded in the back, Marco flipped the air conditioning on and they sat for a few minutes basking in the cool air and shade, then it was time for them to go.

  


It took 20 minutes for Marco to break the silence.

  


“After Schrader.”

  


Leonel nodded, knowing full well he was thinking of a different kind of vengeance than his brother. 

  


Wait.

  


“How did she get out there without a car?”

  


 

 

 

 

(i suck at endings. hahaha)


End file.
